There is no love without forgiveness,
And no forgiveness without love.
You'd be lying if you ever say that you loved a person 24/7. That would most probably the biggest lie you ever told. Basically, loving a person at it's deepest at one point wouldn't mean that you will not hate that person the next moment. But it's the commitment one has for the other that keeps the relationship going on strong. I've been struggling with that recently. I have to admit, Missy talk-it-all doesn't think that being committed is as easy typing it out in this blog. And if it were to be that easy, there wouldn't be a word called divorce in our dictionary or simply hearts being broken.
Every time, you hear the same old stories about one person leaving another with so many reasons. Even some that we'd never heard before. But it all goes back to questioning yourself, "Could you handle it? Could you?". It would be sweet for the first few months being together, and that's typical. Everyone knows that. But when waves of burden, anger, frustration, unsatisfactory and sadness comes your way, what would you do? Would you just ignore the fact that it will be there no matter where you go or at least face the fact even knowing that there is no solution to it.
I really struggle. At times, I really don't wanna care about it anymore. And feel that everything will be a-o-kay if we'd just leave it as it is and move on. But what's the point, really? Finding another person, falling in love again, realizing that that person's not perfect enough for you and down goes to the drain. It's just gonna be a cycle, really. Until you face the fact, it is gonna be the same. I keep telling myself that, not to give up (x100000000)
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I'm sorry, I know I don't express as much as I'm suppose to. To tell you the truth, I'm afraid that if I were to express too much that it may seem like as if I need you way more than you need me. As if I want you way more than you want me. As if I'm some lonely, attention-seeking, desperate girl. But I see that I've been so used to it, bottling up too much of my feelings towards you and that's not healthy for us.
I still can't find a reason from you to leave you. But there is a million reasons coming out from me, my mistakes that made me think twice sometimes. I am so selfish to keep such a good man with me, but yet you forgive me each time. I couldn't even afford to forgive myself when I talk to you, but you did. You would still hold my hand and tell me that you love me. I love you too. Should I be selfish and keep you all to myself? I really want to.
Joshua Jireh Len, you're really amazing. It's just impossible to leave you, I've tried but couldn't. You always have your way to bring me back to you. I mean, who would still love me wholeheartedly after the mistakes I've done to hurt you in the past? And who would still say that it's his fault when obviously it was mine? And who would drive down all the way from Sri Petaling just to meet his girl in this congested area which he hates?
I promise I'd show you how much more I long to spend time with you, just that glance would make me smile. No matter how annoyed I am of you sometimes, I promise I'd really really really really try to accept it because I do love you just the way you are. I just have to remember that.
evon
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