Long Time Ago

Fail and keep trying, cause it's not the end.

It only matters how you finish. Are you gonna finish strong?

I know I'd usually start with a guilty beginning saying how busy I've been with life and that I had no time to write down memories of my life. Well, I won't be doing that today because it's gonna be the same old crap. 

As I know, today is not one of the best day I've had so far. Despite the fact that my presentation and quiz today was good. Well, the rest was just fudged up and there's so many things running in my mind right now. Sometimes  I just wonder, why am I even doing what I'm doing. Yes, I don't make sense. But who cares.

I'm sick of living up to people's expectations. Being so drawn into what they say or think and actually fell for it. It always ponders me, why do they care so much of this. Is there nothing else in life more interesting than to ruin one's. Or maybe it's just me being very lack of confidence of myself. My body. My hair. My posture. And even the way I speak.

.Low Self Esteem.

It's sucks. I've got to admit. And people around me seems to be so confident with themselves, their abilities, beauty and talents. It sucks. Or is everyone else just like me? Trying so hard to survive in this world so that they would accept you the way that you are. I can't answer you that. You have to figure that out yourself. But for me, I've finally raised up my white flags and surrendered. I can't keep up with this anymore.

Knowing that every second of every minute of every hour of every day, someone might be out there talking about how freaking chubby you are, or how short you are, or how not right your hair is or even the awkward slang that you have pisses me off. Because sometimes I look back at myself and see nothing much than an ordinary girl with no talents or whatsoever trying to be someone that she's not. And I am definitely not proud of it. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but at this point of time I seriously do not want to care about what you think. And if this means that I'm arrogant, be it. As long I'm living life as it is and that I'm enjoying life as it is. Why not? Why would I risk my life for a pathetic critic?

Well, saying all that I can say. These are just words. I'd probably still be dwelling in the midst of everyone's thoughts of me. Sucks having a brain like mine. Not forgetting that one moment someone calls you chubby or says that your hair is too dry or your skin has uneven tones and that's weird. I still remember those words and as much as it hurts me, I do my best to ignore them. As if I don't realize it, thanks for noticing! As much as I love seeing pictures of pretty girls with long legs and big eyes, I can't because I'm born this way. So why do I even bother again?

And just because I walk around with good English, heels, colored long hair and 'not-to-bad' clothes on my body, doesn't mean you can hurt me with your critical words. So find someone else to annoy. Cause I'm so through with this, I am.

Just stay away from me, you thoughts.

evon