Over You

Even heroes have the right to bleed.

I realize that I blog more when I'm unhappy. And it is true because I'm unable to express myself. Whether if it is through words or emotions. No one will ever understand how depressed I am right now. Probably God does. And I hope He reads this. I have no where else to go to. Have you ever felt like you're stuck in an empty box trying to escape but have no idea how to. Yeah, when life gets the best of you. You know you're the only person that can get yourself back up. And I'm on the floor right now, knowing that I need to get up quick but somehow my body refuses to do so. I'm just lying there like a dead corpse, how pathetic.

What do you do when people around you takes advantage of you?

What do you do when your family aren't in good condition?

What do you do when your home is not a home anymore? 

What do you do when you have no sense of direction in life like others?

What do you do when responsibilities starts building up and you have no idea how to face it?

What do you do when emotions start wearing off?

What do you do when all those smiles and laughter are hidden with burdens and sorrows?

I'm only me. No more and no less. And am able to do only my best. But when best is not enough anymore, I have the rights to break down and cry. Imperfections. Flaws. Mistakes. Turns out to be the definition of me. I can't seem to reach out no longer. Like an overstretched rubber band. Useless to everyone. What am I to do? Nothing seems to work anymore.

But it's close to the end of another chapter. A very sucky one indeed. One that I'd never want to be reminded of. But I can't give up just yet. Finishing this lap took me so much effort and ending it here would seem such a waste. But somehow, a part of me wants to stay in this moment despite how terrible I feel right now. Because I know, the next chapter is waiting for me and it isn't any easier. Getting a job after graduating, hopefully would help enlighten my own burdens. Making the decision to pay for my own studies in Uni, hopefully would enlighten my parent's burden. Responsibilities, hopefully God is with me through it all. I know I can't carry it all with my bare hands. Too small, too fragile, too gentle. 

I know most of us go through personal problems as well. Some may even face more problems than I do right now. And most of you would probably tell me to cheer up and appreciate life as it is. I understand and definitely am not against that. Because I myself too advice people in that manner when everything seems to be in order in my life. But it is not, right now. This feeling that I have, nothing can compare. And it may look like a rant to you, but to me is the only way to release myself from these thoughts at a time like this.

Sigh life. When will the world turn around.

evon