Human

It's a rainy night. I miss having a little time alone for myself and rest my mind after a busy week. And finally found the time to blog again. I can say that most of my days are dedicated to work and church; don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be given this opportunity. But everyone gets carried away sometimes. Everyone gets selfish once in awhile. Everyone only thinks about what benefits them most. Everyone only wants to be loved and not feel lonely. I admit that I do have those feelings and thoughts in my head recently and it brings me to this whole new level of looking at situations. And I can say I'm not very proud of myself.

Always questioning yourself of your worth. Whether you're good enough for the community that you live around. Whether you're worth looking at even for another minute. Whether you're good enough to be cared of. Whether you're worth of their time and space. 

It's because I always feel that I'm a little different from others. The way I see and do things in life seems to be so unusual from what other 20 year old's are doing out there. The way I project myself, my voice and my opinions. People see me as weak and indecisive. People push me around and use me for their benefits. People put me in places that nobody are able to fit in well, because I can and will not complain.

I can take it.

I will take it.

 I can take it.

Because nobody will. 

Sometimes we look at life too quickly and decide what's best for ourselves because we believe that we have the rights to do so. But what about others? What if I did make those selfish desires of mine came about? If everyone cared only about what they want and how they want to shine in front of a crowd, then they would be called selfish not for pursuing their own good, but for neglecting their neighbors.

I admit that there are times I wish I could voice out my opinions and be the one standing in front of a crowd. It feels good to be recognized for your talents and hard work. But always remember, “Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you." - Matt 6:1-4

evon