Human

It's a rainy night. I miss having a little time alone for myself and rest my mind after a busy week. And finally found the time to blog again. I can say that most of my days are dedicated to work and church; don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be given this opportunity. But everyone gets carried away sometimes. Everyone gets selfish once in awhile. Everyone only thinks about what benefits them most. Everyone only wants to be loved and not feel lonely. I admit that I do have those feelings and thoughts in my head recently and it brings me to this whole new level of looking at situations. And I can say I'm not very proud of myself.

Always questioning yourself of your worth. Whether you're good enough for the community that you live around. Whether you're worth looking at even for another minute. Whether you're good enough to be cared of. Whether you're worth of their time and space. 

It's because I always feel that I'm a little different from others. The way I see and do things in life seems to be so unusual from what other 20 year old's are doing out there. The way I project myself, my voice and my opinions. People see me as weak and indecisive. People push me around and use me for their benefits. People put me in places that nobody are able to fit in well, because I can and will not complain.

I can take it.

I will take it.

 I can take it.

Because nobody will. 

Sometimes we look at life too quickly and decide what's best for ourselves because we believe that we have the rights to do so. But what about others? What if I did make those selfish desires of mine came about? If everyone cared only about what they want and how they want to shine in front of a crowd, then they would be called selfish not for pursuing their own good, but for neglecting their neighbors.

I admit that there are times I wish I could voice out my opinions and be the one standing in front of a crowd. It feels good to be recognized for your talents and hard work. But always remember, “Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you." - Matt 6:1-4

evon

As Long As We Got Love.

I know me and the boyfriend mentioned that we don't celebrate Valentines Day. But he somehow managed to pull it off with a surprise once again even though it wasn't on Valentines Day itself, it was lovely :) And honestly it does feel good to be surprised once in a while, don't you think so too? But I always remind myself that as long we got love, everything else is secondary. Well, at least I try too.

Back to my surprise. He specially parked his car in my house that night and asked me to help him carry some things out, saying that he bought lots of stuff. I thought he bought tons of ingredients to cook me dinner! Haha but I opened the car door to find a bouquet of flowers placed nicely on the seat; it has cute little bears on it too. According to him, I was so surprised that I went over and hugged him and forgot to take my flowers out from the car. Then I also found out that he bought me yummy durians for late dinner. So the night ended with us sitting on our usual coach watching Armargeddon together while enjoying durians.

Even though it was a simple surprise, it really made my day. I felt so much love from this man, who took time off to think of all these for me because he knows how much I love surprises. Even though he's always busy with work and church, he manage to squeeze in some time for me despite being tired most of the time. He ended up falling asleep on my lap that night because he was so tired. But I really don't mind; because it's the time spent together that makes moments like these memorable.

Boyfriend got me this gym in the pocket for Valentines. My supposedly replacement for roses this year, I thought.
But he was sweet enough to get me roses again. Double bonus :) 

Outfit on Sunday morning :)

The famous cheesecake at ss15. Was craving for it the other day and boyfriend was nice enough to bring me there to buy it.
Recommended! There's so many people even during Chinese New Year week.
RT Pastry House
Address: B6-G, Jalan SS15/4D, Subang Jaya 47500 Selangor
Tel: +603-5621-6758

That's it for my week. Busy busy, a video of my Colin boy coming soon :)

evon

Be My Valentine

Happy Valentines everyone. 14th of February has finally arrived. The day all the girls wished they'd received roses and love-shaped chocolates; the day all the guys who wished they'd more to offer for his girl. As what people always say, love is in the air. I suppose my air is filled with love as well. His love, for all I know :)

However, those days of anticipating for something really BIG to happen to me on Valentine's Days are long gone. I used to think that this feeling only happens when you're way too disappointed about what your other half had done for you for the past few years on this day. But now I realize that I'm just really glad and blessed to have this man standing behind me everywhere I go, ready to catch me when I fall; ready to listen to me when I complain; ready to take care of me when I'm unhappy; ready to share my burden with me. What more could I ask for from him? 

I suppose what I'm trying to say here is that money can't buy us happiness; it can't buy us love. Because where there is love, there will always be happiness. A guy who can provide you everything on this earth doesn't mean he can provide you love however a man who may not provide you everything on this earth can provide you one thing, and that is love. It's your choice, take a pick. But wherever that you decide to go, make sure it is what makes you happy beneath you. Because it is pointless to make decisions that will only end up in disappointments and misery.

I believe the decision I've made 2 and a half years back was right for me. It changed me; it changed my entire life, forever. I couldn't wish to be anywhere else but here right now. Looking back in my past seems much easier with him by my side; always telling me that things will be better now. And I believe him, I really do. But my past will always be my past, it taught me so much. Despite how much it has hurt me and scarred me, it somehow has made an impact in the way I project what I call, love. I will always remember my past. 

So, Happy Valentines Day everyone. Remember to show some love not only to your loved one but also to your family, friends and not forgetting God :) That's all I have for today.

evon

Insecurities Anyone?

I have to admit that insecurity is one thing everyone is familiar with despite men or women. I believe that even the prettiest women or men started off with low self-esteem and got them to where they want to be now; we all try and try so hard to fit in and feel comfortable in other people's presence. I remind myself over and over again that everyone is beautiful in their own ways, but somehow those insecurities conquered my feelings and changed the way I think and took care of myself. Well sometimes, you just need to be reminded by someone other than yourself that it's okay to be you. Familiar anyone?

 But then you go on Tumblr, and you see something different. You see girls buying clothes, cutting their hair, taking laxatives, starving themselves, doing anything to make themselves look thinner. They base their self-worth on a NUMBER projected on a man-made scale. And to be honest with you, it breaks my heart. Because I know that you CAN eat without feeling guilty, you CAN eat fattening food without punishing yourself afterwards. What the scale says is NOT the most important thing. Being thin is NOT more important than being healthy. Being thing and not eating are NOT signs of true will power and success. Screw what all these pro-ana blogs tell you. You don't have to be thin to be attractive. You are perfectly okay just the way you are.


Source: Staypositive.me

evon

Wedding Memories

The most beautiful moments to remember is when he looks at her with that smile, like she's the only woman in the world and all he could ever ask for is for her to walk down the aisle in her white dress, ready to love him for the rest of her life. 

Before the wedding, "They wanted to pray together, but not see each other, before the ceremony."

evon

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

v. for-gave, for-giv-en, for-giv-ing, for-gives

1. To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.

2. To absolve from payment.
3. To renounce anger or resentment against.

I believe that forgiveness is one feeling and action that has been taken too lightly just by saying 'I forgive you' that we have already forgiven someone; but deep down in our hearts, you know that you truly haven't and you knew how much you hated disliked this person that had hurt you in the past. I admit to myself, that even I face the same problem today. It just makes me feel better of myself by saying it, but truly have I forgiven that person? I believe not.

But what if everyone had a mind like those kids in the videos; believing that if we were to not forgive, we'd not have any friends anymore. Because in today's world, friends are like goods. Commercialized goods. We like em, we keep em; we don't like em, we throw em. See, it's because of our mindsets today that made it so easy for us to not practice forgiveness and give up easily on the people we once knew was important or was part of our lives. But there is a difference in goods and humans; feelings. Everyone has feelings, and those feelings last. No matter how much you try to hide or cover it, it'll always be there waiting to hunt you down. But what can we do about it? We always put an excuse to forget about it and move on. But truly, when some bad situation hits you hard to the ground, those memories will hit you even harder than you think it wouldn't.

I believe forgiveness is not by ignoring the facts, setting aside the truth that hurts and forgetting that it ever happened but instead, we are to confront and clear the slate in order to start afresh from where we'd stumbled upon. Just to let you know that, there is always two sides in a situation; the offender and the offended. But pride tend to be our best friend sometimes and visits us pretty often. 

For the offended - It's because pride took over our human flesh that we tend to be more critical and judgmental with the little mistakes that people had done to us without realizing that no human is perfect; not even ourselves. But it seems easier to look at people's flaws than our very own when we try to cover them up so badly so no one could see ours. 

For the offender - It's because pride took over our human flesh that we tend to try and maintain our "high" self esteem that made confrontation look a little uncool for everyone. But without realizing, have hurt so many people around us just by doing what we feel is cool for our own appearances. 

So therefore, both sides are responsible for forgiving and the other to ask for forgiveness. People who realize their wrongdoings and ask for forgiveness will understand being forgiven and people who have forgiven those who had done wrong unto you, will understand how others have forgiven you.

There is so many people that I need to truly forgive and to ask for forgiveness from; I hope it is not too late to do so especially to my family and a few others. I wish I could do so much more to regain everything that we once had together and I believe one day it will. With God, everything is possible. 

evon

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Cheers to new year,

And another chance for us to get it right. 

This would be the worst 年初三 I'd ever experienced. Terrible back aches, vomiting and loss of appetite. But never the less, the best Chinese New Year spent with boyfriend and family. This year was a little bit special, when parents decided to invite boyfriend to visit my hometown with us. Just so you know, my parents are never so open about relationships and they're not as "hip". I guess it's their culture and I don't blame them. But I'm glad they did invite him over to see the family eventhough it was quite scary at first haha. But it all went smoothly and I'm happy that he could see a few of my childhood life and close relatives here. What makes this trip even more better? Colin boy came along with us too! This was his first long ride and boy, he did it so well and I'm so proud of him. He sat at the back seat and on my lap #likeaboss. 

Pit-stop near PD 

At a beach with boyfriend, cousin and brother 

Colin boy all worn out after being pulled around by little cousins

I guess every year, we do come to a point to sit down and think of what we hope to achieve greater this year than the year before; and it's not wrong to do so unless you're slowly beating yourself up on the inside. I believe there's always a positive to a negative; instead of telling ourselves how sucky life's treating you right now or how you wish someone would pity you for where you're at. Learn to see the brighter side and you'll find joy. There's always someone in greater need than you do.

So I'll just list down a few things I've set to do this year to set as reminder to self.

1. Save money for Korea trip this June. Yes I can't wait :)

2. Promise to pamper self with mask 3 times a week. 

3. This will be hard but I'll still put it anyways. Learn to control my really bad temper with parents and boyfriend.
I scare myself sometimes and it's not even pms :\

4. Save money to go for a mission trip if possible

5. Bless at least 5 people in my life

6. Save money for Bangkok trip if it happens and hopefully it does.

7. Fulfill all my to-buy list yay

8. Stay connected with my old friends and make new ones as well
9. Lose at least 5kg this year
10. Means eat and live a healthier life

It's gonna be a very exciting yet scary year for me this year! 2011 has been good to me and I know there's so much more to come; I'll do my best to keep up especially when uni life starts. Till then, Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone! May this year be a wonderful year to us all

evon

New Year; New Beginning

 Love one another and you'll be happy;

It's as simple and as difficult as that.

 Happy New Year everyone! I know it's pretty late to say that since it's already the second week of 2012 but what the heck, better late than never right? Anyways like I said previously, 2011 was definitely a wonderful year to look back on; Blessings after blessing. And now that our church has proclaimed that this year of 2012 will be a year of Double Blessing, heck what are you waiting for? Bring it on, babeh.

Happy Belated Birthday to the boyfriend :) Having you here next to me is already a wonderful blessing to me; despite all the arguments and disagreements that you've always let me win. I won't write an essay about us, because we both know what we've been through. There's a long journey ahead of us and I hope and pray that we'll look back at these memories and know that we'd still be here for each other. Cheers to being 23!

A beautiful day in Malacca with the boyfriend; have been convincing him to take me on random trips since who knows when. So he finally made his move to take a leave from work to bring me down to Malacca for some historical fun and food. Thank you boyfriend, extra points!

 Boyfriend being his usual self, giggles :)

 Back to the zoo! Boyfriend's favourite of the day.

 Butterflies are pretty; pretty scary to me.

 A crocodile who think he's a bird; flaps his wings!

 An ear-less bunny, seriously? 

My favourite of the day! So adorable :) 

 Famous chicken rice ball

 Durian cendol, yumz!

 More expensive than Jimmy Choo's haha

 Happy Anniversary love. I know it's been a tough journey with me, but you never gave up. I love how you take time to go shopping with me even if your feet hurts like crap. I love how you kiss my forehead and tell me that you love me in the simplest way; even just by being completely honest with each other's fashion sense or the way that we smell after a long day out. I love how you care about my thoughts and emotions and respects it despite how nonsensical it may turn out to be; even my daily needs and wants, you would want to fulfill them if you could. I love how you love me and my family and treats Colin as our very own son. I love how you build my confidence in my cooking and baking eventhough it wasn't a very complicated dish or pastry. I love how simple you are in living and your perspective about life that keeps my feet on the ground. So stop trying to make yourself feel useless all the time and that you can't make me happy. Because just so you know, you are the best thing that ever happened in my life. I'm definitely looking forward to another year spent with you :)

Here's to the end of my first post of the year. I hope and pray that all my beloved friends and family will have a wonderful year ahead of you filled with excitements and new adventures. Live life with your head held high; there you can see further and a bigger picture of your life. Happy New Year 2012!

evon